fuck school. Why should this ever define me. My parents put so much pressure on me to be perfect. Not to do my best but to be perfect. I should be finishing the semester with a 4.1, but that’s never enough. It “could” have been a 4.33. In my parents eyes anything less is just a disappointment. Everything I do could be better and is lacking in some aspect. I feel so alone sometimes. Even with so many blessings in my life and so many things going for me sometimes I find it so hard to be happy. I am constantly struggling with accepting my body and loving myself and my dad is always putting my body down. I am skinny but he is always dissapointed that I’m not some major athlete with a perfect body or something. I will never be enough for my parents and I don’t know what to do. I have a boyfriend that is seriously one of a kind and will do anything to make me happy but I don’t feel worthy of him. I’m afraid I will only hurt him and that he deserves someone better than me. I work so hard in school and constantly fail. I have no friends or anyone that i truly trust. I am always standing alone and scared that everyone is talking about me or constantly trying to tear me apart. At this point I am just numb. I have no tears left. I am just so tired and and so torn in so many ways. I can’t keep going on this way. I need people who can have my back or support me. I am always being torn down by those around me and I can only be strong for so long. I’m going to fall apart and it’s going to happen soon. No one even notices my bad days anymore or the fact that i am honestly really depressed. I cover it up with a fake smile and fake happiness and try to convince myself I am happy but I am honestly suffering. I am alone. I don’t trust anyone. I am self conscious beyond belief. I am too hard on myself. I feel like I will never follow through with anything. And worst is I feel like I am always hurting those who I love the most and who mean the most to me and I don’t know what to do.
